Not Even Death Can Keep Us Apart
by Justadream940
Summary: Phil was married to Clint. However the methods Fury used to bring him back after the Battle of New York meant he forgot that minor detail. May helps him remember and now he has to find a way to tell Clint and the rest of the Avengers who think he's been dead for almost a year. Based around the episodes of Agents of Shield
1. Chapter 1

They had just got settled into the plane a couple of hours ago and he was currently sat in his office drinking a cup of coffee catching up on old times. He had forgotten how much he had missed his friend since she had retired from the field.

"So how's Clint these days, still climbing around in vents?"

That question caught him off guard, since the battle he hadn't spoken to Clint as the avengers weren't allowed to know he was alive.

"Good I guess, I only know from what I read in the reports as he's not allowed to know I'm alive"

May frowned at his response "Clint doesn't know you're alive?" she questioned

"No, he's an avenger now and only level 6, he can't be told" he said confused at were May was going with this, she knew no one below level 7 knew, Fury was adamant on that even if he wasn't particularly sure why.

"Your husband doesn't know you're alive?" May asked slowly causing Phil to choke on his coffee.

"My what!?" Phil wheezed still choking on his coffee.

"Your husband, you know the guy you got married to after mess in Budapest" May replied staring at Phil with criticizing eyes, making Phil feel like he was being interrogated.

"What?! Me and Clint never got married I'm with Audrey" he relied, he was pretty sure he would have remembered marrying Clint. He may have had a huge crush on the guy before he met Audrey but they damn well never got married.

May looked even more confused, even worried now "Phil, Audrey was a cover up; no one was allowed to know you guys were together, let alone married because you were handler and asset. You were both best friends with her, you used her as a cover up for where you went all the time. Clint used to joke about how it was the perfect cover story considering they both used bows" May said softly, wondering how much the operation had messed around with his brain.

"But we had dinner at the Richmond and why didn't Clint have a cover story….." Phil trailed off trying to remember more, he knew he was with Audrey it all made sense- didn't it?

"You did, you and Clint, you would have dinner with her there after you had watched her play in the orchestra. Clint never needed a cover story, you however did because people were noticing that you suddenly weren't spending every waking hour in your office doing paperwork" May chuckled at the last .

"I….." Phil was so confused, if he was married to Clint why didn't he remember? You wouldn't forget something like that. Surely he would have something to prove he was married and he didn't there was no ring nothing, May had to be wrong.

"I don't have a ring" Phil stated

"Neither of you do, you both knew they weren't practical with your jobs so you got each other something else instead" May replied a small smile on her face now.

"What?"

"Look at the back of your dog tag"

"Why" asked Phil really confused now, why did she want him to look at that?

"Just do it, you'll see" May said smiling even more which was freaking Phil out as May rarely smiled like that.

Knowing May was waiting for him he pulled his dog tag out from underneath his undershirt. He wondered where his other half was, but dismissed it thinking he must have given the other half to Audrey.

"Look at the back" May repeated

Turing it over Phil let out a small gasp, there was an inscription on the back. Reading the inscription Phil got confused, it didn't make sense, or did it? Suddenly a rush of memories came back to him, memories of a small apartment, a three legged dog, muscular arms, late nights watching Dog Cops on a small apartment curled up with a Blond haired man resting his head on Phil's chest. "Clint" Phil whispered.

"How could I forget?" Phil asked weakly. He didn't understand how he had forgotten, what kind of husband was he if he just forgot he was married? He stared at the inscription again _Yours forever- Clint _he stroked the dog tag feeling a tear roll down his face.

"I need to tell him" Phil said determined to see his husband. Now that he remembered he was determined to see him, Clint had to be told he was still alive, Phil needed him. He now understood the ache in his heart, it was Clint. He knew he hadn't fallen in love with Audrey yet so he didn't quite understand the pain, but now it all made sense.

"I know Phil but you can't just go rushing over there, Fury knew you guys were married so he knew what he was doing. You're going to have to do this quietly otherwise he's going to find a way to stop you" May said sternly, probably knowing Phil would just storm over to the Avengers tower and find Clint.

"Also remember Clint's been thinking you were dead for six months, this isn't going to be easy for the guy" May reminded him.

Phil felt his heart drop, six months, Phil felt awful. What if Clint's moved on? Clint might have mourned him and found somebody else. He might think Phil's been hiding from him and not care about Clint anymore.

"I'm not saying don't tell him, I'm just meaning you're going to have to be gentle about this. Don't go banging on his door shouting that you're still alive, he'll probably think you're some imposter or something" May said coming around to place a hand on his shoulder.

"What if he's moved on?" Phil whispered.

"He won't have, the guy was head over heels for you" May said rubbing his shoulder "There's no way he's moved on, he's probably still mourning you hiding in the vent above your old office" causing a slight chuckle from Phil who was fondly remembering Clint's love for vents.

Phil gripped the dog tag tightly in his hand and started planning on a way to tell Clint, he was not waiting any longer than he had to. It would be a miracle if Clint forgave him as it was, let alone him finding out he didn't tell him as soon as he could.

"I need to think" Phil said to May hoping that the moment understood that he wanted some time by himself.

"Okay but I'll come back in a couple of hours to make sure you haven't driven yourself ragged over this" she smiled giving Phil one last pat on the shoulder before walking out his office and closing the door, leaving Phil alone to think.

…..

Phil was brought out of his thoughts abruptly by a knock on the door making him jump. "Come in" he answered a couple of seconds later after he had composed himself. The door opened to reveal Agent Ward standing there looking slightly apologetic that he had disturbed him. "Yes?" he questioned as Ward just seemed to be standing there.

"The Rising Tide have arisen again Sir" He said looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Okay I'll meet you out there in a minute agent" He said to Ward who nodded in reply and left his office. He sighed knowing he was going to have to abandon his plans for telling Clint for the moment. He seriously hoped this mission wasn't going to take long, he thinks as he places his dog tag back round his neck and under his shirt. He is going to get his husband back after all and nothing is going to get in the way of that.

**Notes: **Don't worry I'm still writing my other story but this idea came into my head so I had to write it down. I'll probably finish the first part of my other story first before I carry this one on which I had been thinking of doing if people like it. I know this kind of story has been done quite a bit but I love the Clint/Coulson and wanted to do my own take on it.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

Phil slumped down on his chair and loosened his tie; this was not how his first mission was supposed to go. First mission and he nearly gets himself and everyone around him blown up, luckily his team finally pulled together and they saved the Mike and Ace. He smiled at the thought of his team they had finally pulled together when they needed to. Sure they still had a few bits to work on but it was a start, he would need to keep an eye on Skye but he was certain she could become of their team with a bit of work, she really was good with computers.

Now would be a really good time to curl up on the sofa with Clint like they always used to after missions, order takeaway and watch some crappy program on TV and just mask themselves in the comfort of each other. He missed Clint desperately, he may have only remembered for a day but he now realizes he been without him for nearly a year and that hurts deeply. He doesn't want to think about what that's been like for Clint, coming back from Loki's control to find out his husbands gone, he shuddered at the thought. If only there was a way to contact him without Fury knowing, without SHIELD finding out he's broken protocol. Phil turned on his computer to try and find out what he could on Clint, find out whether he was still staying in their apartment or not. Clicking on Barton's file he found out that Barton hadn't sold the apartment but stayed at the Avengers tower with all the other Avengers. He was almost glad Clint didn't stay in the apartment knowing that Clint would probably hide out there and ignore the rest of the world. He smiled knowing it was probably Tasha that kicked him out into the tower telling him to man up and get on with his life. As they all lived at the tower he decided he was going to try and make a visit in the next few days, Jarvis was sure to remember him meaning he should be able to get inside without too much trouble. He just hoped he would be able to explain himself before Tasha knocked him out which he could guarantee will happen at some stage. Hearing a knock on the door he called the person in.

"Sir we have an 0-8-4" May said walking into his office.

"Is that confirmed?" Phil asked shocked 0-8-4's were very rare after all.

"They want us to go in and confirm it" May replied.

"Of course they do" Phil sighed knowing that his plan was probably going to have to delay his plan even longer; it was like the world didn't want Clint to find out.

"Is everything okay Sir?" May questioned hearing Phil's sigh.

"Yeah" Phil replied softly still thinking about Clint and unconsciously rubbed his chest where his dog tag was.

"Is it about Clint Sir because you know I'll help you however I can to make sure he finds out. I can't stand to see this lost puppy look for much longer, it doesn't do much for your rep" May replied smiling.

"Thanks but I don't think I'm ever gonna get the chance at this rate" Phil said dejectedly.

"It's only been a few days Phil we're bound to get a few hours off soon"

"But even if I do what do I say to him? I can't just walk up to him and be like 'hey I know you've been mourning me for nearly a year but don't worry I've been alive all this time' I really don't think that's gonna go down so well somehow" Phil said sarcastically.

"Just tell him the truth, yes he might be angry at first but he'll understand. He'll forgive you easily he loves you too much not to you must know that. Fury on the other hand better watch out for any arrows flying around his office" May said softly trying to reassure Phil.

"I hope your right May" he replied straightening his tie and standing up "right lets go look at this 0-8-4 so that I can get back to my plans" he said as he headed for the door.

…

Looking at the plane he cringed, they hadn't even had the plane for a week and they have already blown a hole in side of it. He was still shuddering over the lecture Fury had given him, what else was he supposed to have done anyway? Plus he had really wanted that fish tank, it would have looked so nice next bar Phil thought frowning slightly. Walking back towards the back of the plane he froze at what he saw, it wasn't that someone was leaning against Lola it was more the fact of who that person was.

Clint.

Walking towards him his mind was going a mile a minute, what the hell was he supposed to say he hadn't planned Clint finding out before he told him, how had he found out anyway?

"I can explain" Phil said as he got closer to Clint who raised his eyebrow at the statement still leaning against Lola which Phil was trying really hard to cringe about.

"This I would love here" Clint said crossing his arms over his chest.

"I think this conversation would be best held in my office" Phil said not wanting his team or the maintanence guys listening in.

"Nah I think I'm good hear"

"Clint please, I wanna explain I really do but not out here" Phil pleaded

"Why you got something to hide" Clint bit back loudly causing people to turn their heads and watch them.

"No I just….." Phil stuttered not really sure how he was going to explain without Clint taking it the wrong way, he hadn't got this far in his plan yet.

"Just what Phil? Just tell me why? Didn't you want me anymore, if that was true you couldda just told me you didn't have to do the whole disappearing act" Clint asked losing his anger which was turning into desperation.

"God Clint of course I still want you" Phil said quickly

"Then why?" Clint asked anger returning to his voice

"When Loki stabbed me I did die for a few seconds or more, but they bought me back and took me to Tahiti to recover, it's a magical place by the way I should take you sometime" Phil told Clint side tracking sometime.

"And, then what?"

"Then I woke up, completely disorientated, I forgot….forgot that." Phil said drifting off not wanting to say the next part.

"Forgot what Phil" Clint said wanting Phil to spit it out.

"That I was married to you" Phil whispered looking at the ground, ashamed of himself.

"What? How?" Clint chocked.

"I don't know, I thought I was going out with Audrey but then May realised something was wrong when I told her you didn't know. She got me to look at the back of my dog tag and when I did all my memories came rushing back" Phil rushed out wanting Clint to understand that he hadn't kept him in the dark on purpose.

"When did you remember?" Clint asked softly

"Couple of days ago, I've been planning on how to tell you ever since, Fury must have known what he'd done so I knew he wanted you in the dark for some reason. So I knew I was gonna have to do it without him knowing" Phil said staring at Clint the whole time desperate for him to forgive him.

"knew the bastard was hiding something when he wanted let me see the body, kept saying it was cause they didn't know if there was any residual energy around your body from the staff" Clint muttered walking towards Phil.

"I'm so sorry Clint, I feel awful" Phil said cupping Clint's cheeks forgetting that they had an audience.

"So you should" Clint replied leaning in for a kiss, completely aware of the audience but not caring in the slightest.

"I really think we should take this to my office" Phil said breaking the kiss suddenly remembering where they are when he heard the gasps of his team.

"Or your bedroom" Clint muttered into Phil's ear causing him to cough and drag Clint to his room as quickly as he could without making it to obvious what they were about to do.

"Don't you all have work to do?" he asked his team who all jumped out of their stares and scurried off to carry on what they were doing before Phil turned up causing Clint to smirk.

"Lead the way fine Sir" Clint joked earning himself a slap on the arm for Phil who pulled him up the stairs towards his room.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three:

'_Sign language'_

Tangled up in each other Phil stroked Clint's hair while Clint sleeps lying his head on his chest. He felt content and couldn't believe he had forgotten all of this, forgotten Clint. They had been lying like this for a while now but neither one of them felt the need to move, neither quite prepared to separate from each other yet.

'_Mornin_g' Phil signs seeing Clint waking up. Clint suddenly fully waking up smashes his lips against Phils and grips him tight.

'_Well that was some good morning reply' _Phil chuckles pulling back.

'_Thought I had just dreamed it_' Clint signs looking down but gripping Phil tight.

'_Hey I'm here it wasn't a dream. I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you but I'm never leaving you again_' Phil reassures Clint wo has resumed his position of listening to Phil's heart beat as if he's reassuring himself that Phil's actually alive. They layed like this for a few more minutes in a peaceful silence.

'_When do you have to go back?' _ Phil questioned breaking the silence, tapping Clint's shoulder to get his attention.

'_Think I'll be alright till the morning, Tasha will cover for me' _Clint replies lifting his body up slightly to reply.

'_Good, the bus will probably be ready by then'_ Phil replied tightening his grip Clint not wanting him to go.

'_Hey I'll try and visit as often as I can, I'm not letting you disappear again now I know you're alive' _Clint vowed knowing what Phil was thinking.

'_Yeah and whenever I get some down time I'll come back to New York' _Phil replied thankful that they were going to be able to work this out.

'_Does this mean you're gonna tell Tasha and everyone, cause I'm gonna have to get Jarvis to record that_' Clint grinned.

'_You don't need to record as you're gonna be there as well Tasha and Stark are gonna need you there for conformation_' Phil said not wanting to admit that he may be slightly scared of Tash's reaction.

'_Don't worry I won't let you out of my sight'_ Clint replied pecking Phil on the lips.

'_My saviour'_ Phil smirked pecking Clint again '_Now I don't know about you but I need a shower and some coffee before I see my team_' Phil added slowly untangling himself from Clint.

'_Aww I thought we were having a lazy day_' Clint signed pouting already missing Phil.

'_I have a team to run Clint, they've only just got used to other I can't let them run loose by themselves so soon. May would be coming in here to drag me out by lunch time'_ Phil sighed wishing so badly he could spend the day in bed with his husband.

'_Fine but you're going to have to introduce me to your little hatchlings then, I need to make sure my husband is going to be well looked after while I'm not here_'

'_Clint be nice there a little new at the whole team thing but I'm certain we can pull together and be a great team'_

'_Won't be anything like Strike Team Delta though_' Clint grumbled not liking the fact that Phil had made a new team that he wasn't on.

'_I know babe but you have your own team now, you're still my marksman at heart nothing will change that_' Phil signed coming round to hug Clint reassuring him that he wasn't being replaced.

'_Come on go have that shower I don't fancy your hatchlings catching us like this_' Clint grinned slapping him on the bum.

'_It's big enough for two_' Phil added before walking into the bathroom, Clint right behind him.

…..

After the shower they both made their way to the kitchen to grab themselves a coffee and then sat down on the sofas with the rest of the team. Clint sat next to Phil practically right on top of him as if he was scared that too much distance between them would cause Phil to disappear. Phil rested a hand on his knee as if knowing what Clint was going through.

"So you gonna introduce us A.C?" Skye asked looking between Phil and Clint.

"A.C?" Clint asked confused at the name, his hearing aids back in as he knew Phil's new team wouldn't know sign language, even though he hated wearing them.

"Yeah he's Agent Coulson so I just call him A.C for short"

"Okay that's brilliant, I might have to use that name from now on" Clint smirked loving the name.

"Please don't it's bad enough that Skye calls me that" Phil grumbled "Anyway team this is Clint Barton….. My husband" Phil added almost hesitantly, as he's not entirely sure how the team is going to take the news.

"Nice to meet you all" Clint says politely showing no sign of apprehension.

"You never said you were married" Skye exclaims.

"Husband?" Fitz-Simmons question quietly while Ward just stares at Barton a little wide eyed. May just smirks happily already knowing this piece of information.

"Yes I'm married to Clint, sorry I didn't tell you all but the process which brought me back made me forget this small piece of information which May had to fill me in on" Phil explains to the group shocking them all.

"You forgot?! Didn't anyone remind you as soon as you woke up? Wouldn't Clint have been there when you woke up?" Simmons asks reeling off a load of questions making Phil feel awful about the situation. Seeing Phil tense up at the questions Clint rests a hand on his leg in reassurance.

"I would have been but Fury had told me he had died and that I couldn't see him as they weren't sure how the knife that Loki used would have affected his body. Phil isn't to blame here, we got married in secret as a handler and asset relationship wasn't exactly allowed. May and Tasha were the only people who knew" Clint relayed to the group hoping it would stop them from asking so many questions.

"Why did this Fury person tell you A.C had died?" Skye asks completely confused.

"Fury decided that the Avengers needed a reason to pull together and fight as a team, A common ally dying was the perfect reason. After the battle well I'm not so sure on that part" Clint replies looking to Phil hoping he could fill in that part, suddenly realising that was something he was still unsure of himself.

"Fury told me that me still being alive was to be kept Level 7 information, I did technically die but just for a few seconds. The Avengers technically aren't agents so he saw no reason to tell them. I think it was more the fact he didn't want to face Stark's and Tash's wrath when they found out Fury had lied to them" Phil sighed "And Shield is part of me and couldn't face going against Fury to tell them all, no matter how much I wanted to" Phil said looking directly at Clint.

"How can Fury be allowed to keep someone's life a secret?" Skye asks not understanding completely how Shield works, looking at Clint to explain further. "Oh my god you're an avenger!" Skye blurts out suddenly realising who Clint was.

"Errr yeah that's me" Clint says awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, not used to someone recognising him as he never really got much publicity thanks to Shield trying to keep Clint and Tasha a secret.

"Oh you're Hawkeye" Simmons exclaims almost bouncing in here seat "Me and Fitz designed one of your arrows"

"Oh yeah I used them in the battle, they worked very well against the Chitauri" Clint compliments causing Fitz-Simmons to beam proudly.

"Hawkeye used our arrows in the battle of New- York, our designs helped save New York, our designs saved lives!" Fitz replies excitedly, beaming to the group.

"Man A.C you have a hot Avenger as a husband" Skye blurts out and then flushes when she realises what she just said.

"Umm thanks Skye but we were married way before the battle" Phil replies as the tips of his eyes go red.

"Sorry to interrupt but we have a Shield 616 with new orders for Colorado Airfield" May buts in apologetically.

"Guess that my cue to leave" Clint sighs standing up from the sofa as everyone else stands up and leaves the room with May to find out further information.

"I'll call you later, I have a burner phone I can use that Shield doesn't know about" Phil says handing the phone over so Clint can put his number in.

"You better, I'll see you soon yeah?" Clint says looking at Phil hesitantly not wanting assume anything.

"Wouldn't have it any other way" Phil replies cupping Clint's face leans in for a kiss which Clint returns desperately not wanting to leave. When they eventually have to come up for air Phil rests his head on Clint's forehead.

"I'll be in New York as soon as I can. Whenever I have down time I'll text you where we are and see if we can meet okay, we'll make this work I promise" Phil vows to Clint finally breaking apart from their hold.

"I love you" Clint blurts out staring at Phil with shiny eyes trying desperately not to cry.

"I love you to" Phil replies pulling Clint into one last tight hug and kisses Clint's forehead. Clint pulls back slightly and gives Phil a quick but deep kiss and heads towards the exit of the bus. Just before he leaves he turns back to Phil and signs '_Yours Forever_ ' Phil understanding what he said replies in signs back' _Forever Yours' _which causes Clint to smile and turn back around and walk off the plane.

Phil watches Clint leave and sighs; he really hopes he'll be seeing him again soon. However he knew he better get back to work knowing it means he can get the mission over with quicker. With this in mind he heads back to his team to find out what their mission was.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four:

He had been at it for hours, his arms and fingers were begging for a rest but he couldn't stop. This was the only way he could keep his mind off of Phil, it was the only way he could stop himself from literally stalking the man to make sure he was safe. Now that he knew Phil was alive he was constantly worried about him and whether the new team he had would protect him. It should be him and Tasha with him, they were the perfect team, instead he had a bunch of newbies with him that Clint didn't trust 100% to look after his husband Clint thought bitterly. He trusted that Phil had every faith in his new team, but Clint still didn't trust easily so they were going to have to prove themselves. Sensing someone coming up behind him he knew Tasha had come in to try and make him take a break.

"I know your there" Clint called out releasing the arrow and then turning around to face Natasha who didn't show a hint of surprise that Clint knew she was there, even though she hadn't made a sound and he had his hearing aids out.

'_Well somebody needs to come get your sorry ass out of here to have a rest' _Tasha signed, her eyes glaring at Clint.

'_I'm fine' _Clint replied staring right back, his hands betraying him shaking slightly showing his tiredness.

'_You have a funny way of showing it'_ Tasha replied glancing down at his shaking hands stepping towards him slowly to try and take his bow out of his hands.

Clint sighed and let Tasha take the bow out of his hands and let her drag him into the kitchen for some food.

'_Sit' _Tasha signed somehow still managing to make it sound like an order without uttering a word, Clint obliged knowing when she was in this mood it was best to do as she says. Clint then saw her place a pair of hearing aids on the table and he sighed.

'_I don't want to wear them' _

'_Clint I can't sign and make you some food, you're going to wear them then you're going to eat your sandwich and take a shower because you stink, and then were going back to your room where you can tell what caused you to stay in the range for so long' _Tasha ordered and all Clint could do was grumble and do as she said.

After he had his shower he walked into his quarters to find Tasha sat on his sofa and a bottle of vodka placed on the coffee table. Knowing this meant Tasha wanted him to talk he felt dread well up in his stomach, he couldn't tell Tasha the truth as she needed to hear it from Phil himself but he hated lying to Tasha, she was in all senses of the word his sister.

"You gonna tell me or am I gonna have to force it out of you" Tasha said passing him a shot of Vodka which he gulped down straight away.

"It's Phil" Clint whispered, deciding to tell her a half- truth as he wasn't able to completely lie to her.

"конфетка I thought you were getting better" Tasha sighed handing him another drink which he downed just as quick as the first, and then pulled him into her arms.

"I was but I keep thinking what if he's still out there but hiding, what if he's still alive?" he mumbled into Tasha's side wanting to drop hints to her making it easier for Phil later on.

"конфетка I would love to think like that but if Phil was still alive don't you think he would have come running straight back to you?"

"What if he couldn't, what if Fury wouldn't let him?"

"Why would Fury do that he knew about you two after all?"

"I don't know" Clint grumbled running out of answers, this was a question that had been playing around in his head ever since Phil had told him what Fury had done. He had trusted in the man and he had just stabbed him in the back, it got him wondering what else the man had been lying about.

"Clint I know you want to think Phil is still alive but its nearly been 2 years I think you need to accept the fact that he's gone and start moving on. I know it's hard but you can't keep hiding out in the range" Tasha said sternly but Clint knew she wasn't being harsh it was just Tash's way of showing she cared.

They sat there and talked for the rest of the night making their way through 2 bottles of vodka causing them to fall asleep on the sofa still curled up to one another. Clint woke up to a throbbing headache and an empty sofa. Blearily opening his eyes he winced at the sunlight coming in through his window. Hearing his phone bleep he Fumbled around to found his phone and realised it was the one he had purely to talk to Phil. Quickly opening it up he found a text from him.

**Touched down for 24hrs meet me at our place if you can. Love you. P x**

Replying as quickly as he could with fingers that didn't quite want to cooperate Clint jumped in the shower to freshen up, not wanting to smell of booze when he meets up with Phil. It had been a couple of weeks since he left and he missed his husband so didn't want to waste there limited time. Downing a couple of paracetamol and a cup of coffee Clint left the tower and headed straight for his apartment ignoring the questions from his team about where he was going.

…

Opening the door to the apartment Clint walked in to see Phil lying on the sofa watching T.V half-awake in a pair of grey sweatpants and an old white Shield t-shirt looking like he hadn't slept in a few days. Concerned Clint slowly walked over the sofa and knelt down in front of Phil.

"Phil?" Clint questioned not wanting to startle his husband.

"You came" Phil said a smile slowly forming on his lips.

"Of course I did" Clint said returning the smile and leaned in to kiss Phil which Phil returned turning the soft kiss into a heated one. As much as Clint desperately wanted to take it further he still needed to find out why Phil was here a couple of weeks early and looked so run down.

"As much as I love you being here, why are you here" Clint asked stroking Phil's hair.

"Isn't a husband allowed to pop by and see his partner?" Phil replied cheekily but Clint could see the hurt in his eyes.

"Of course but somehow I don't think that's the only reason" Clint replied softly gently pushing Phil to talk.

Phil sighed and sat up allowing Clint to join him on the sofa, Clint opened up his arms to allow Phil to curl up to him and tell Clint the whole story about Doctor Hall. After Phil had told Clint the whole story Clint simply pulled Phil in tighter and kissed his forehead.

"You did the right thing" Clint murmured knowing Phil was going to blame himself thinking there could have been a way to save him. "If you hadn't of done what you did then lots of other people would have been killed"

"I know, I just can't help but think…." Phil drifted off caught up in his guilt.

"I know love, but trust me when I say you did the best that you could. It's hard when they turn out to be one of us but you did what needed to be done. I just wish I could have been there for you" Clint admitted, he hated not being there for him.

"May's back in the field" Phil said truly smiling now, changing the subject to something happier.

"I knew she wouldn't last long" Clint replied happy to let Phil change the topic. He was glad May was back in the field as she was one of the only people, as well as Tasha, that he truly trusted to look after his husband in the field.

"Yeah, she said she couldn't stand watching from the side-lines"

"Good, someone needs to make sure you don't keep throwing yourself into the firing line" Clint quirked earning him a slap on the arm.

…..

Later on in the day when they had truly reacquainted themselves with one another Clint finally asks the question that he's wanted to ask all day.

"When are you going to tell the others about yourself?"

"Soon" Phil replies looking down at Clint who had his head resting on Phil's chest stroking him.

"I can't keep lying to Tasha" Clint admitted, wanting to wait for when Phil was ready but knew he wouldn't be able to last much longer.

"I know and I'm grateful for you waiting" Phil replied kissing Clint's forehead "I'll tell them next time I'm home"

"Thank you" Clint replied softly knowing Phil was worried about how the rest of the avengers, especially Tasha and Stark where going to take the news. "Now I only have a few hours left with you so I plan on making the most of them" Clint added capturing Phi's lips in a heated kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five:

Phil sat down in his office chair and let out sigh as he replayed the day's events in his mind. He couldn't help but wonder how he hadn't known that one of his agents, one that he had trained himself, that he thought to be dead was actually still alive. They were being controlled but alive none the less. Phil knew it was stupid but he blamed himself, he should have looked out for her better, looked harder for her somehow. No matter how much he knew he had done all he could he was still angry at himself, it was how he was.

Without even realising what he was doing his hand had gone into his trouser pocket and picked out his phone, and speed dialled a number.

"'Lo?" A muffled voice answered.

"Hey it's me"

"Huh, Phil? Hang on" a distorted voice says before shuffling was heard.

"Yeah I can hear you now, got my aids in"

"Yeah it's Phil, sorry we're you asleep" Phil cringed when he looked at the clock on his computer screen and realised it was nearly 2am in New York.

"Yeah but it don't matter, jus' glad I get to talk to you"

"Me to" Phil replied quietly, now he was actually on the phone to Clint he didn't know what to say. His mind was still trying to process what had happened earlier today and didn't know how to tell his husband. He wasn't even supposed to tell Clint about his missions but he couldn't keep anything from Clint, not anymore, Clint wouldn't tell anyone anyway.

"Phil what happened today?" Clint asked, reading Phil even when he couldn't see him. That was all Phil needed to get him spilling the day's events to his husband who just listened to Phil quietly and let him get it all off his chest.

"Phil like I told you the other week you can't blame yourself, she was being controlled and now she's not, you saved here"

"People got killed in the process"

"Phil we work for Shield that kinda thing isn't always avoidable"

"I know I just-"

"Wish it didn't I know love, but I know you Phil you will have done everything you could to make sure the casualties were as small as possible" Clint soothed, determined to get to calm Phil even if he wasn't there to give him a hug and kiss better.

"Thanks Clint" Phil replied softly already feeling lighter after getting it all off his chest.

"'s alright love. Was she seriously being controlled through her eye" Clint questioned suddenly thinking back to what Phil had said earlier.

"Yes"

"Damn bet Stark wishes he had thought of that" Clint chuckles

"Don't go giving the man any ideas, he's already bad enough on his own" Phil warns has seriously, the guy seriously was a nightmare when he got a project in mind.

"Don't worry love I won't, I'd be too worried about being the damn test subject to give the man ideas"

"Good I don't want you being controlled by anyone again" Phil replies without thinking about he had just said.

"Shit sorry-"

"It's alright love I know you didn't realise what you said" Clint quickly interrupts desperate to get back on a happier topic.

"I know but still-"

"Honestly its fine, I got through it, Tasha and the others helped"

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, I shoulda been"

"Shit Phil you'd been stabbed, nearly died, I think that warrants you being let off" Clint retorts almost angrily.

"I know but I can't help it, I just can't imagine how it felt being controlled like that and then being told I'm dead, to then find out I was alive but didn't remember our relationship" Phil hated that Clint had been through all of that. He really didn't understand why Fury wanted Clint to be in the dark about himself, hadn't Clint been through enough already? Phil was definitely going to have a talk with Fury the next time he saw him. He knew about their marriage so he better have some very good reasons about why he did what he did.

"It was horrible Phil, Tasha had to drag me outta bed every day for weeks, I barely slept cause I w plagued with nightmares, but I got through it. You're alive now and back with and that's all that matters" Clint said hoping that was the end of the matter.

"Really wish I could hug you right now" Phil whispers and Clint only just hears him even with his hearing aids in. Phil had tears in his eyes after hearing what Clint had been llike after he found out Phil had supposedly died, how could Fury live with himself, letting Clint mourn when Phil was alive, unconscious in a hospital bed, but alive.

"I know love but we'll see each other again soon. I don't get many assignments right now as there still keeping watch on me, but whenever you're in new York I'll come see you" Clint promises desperate to cheer his husband up.

"I know. Anyway I better let you get back to sleep. Should probably go to sleep myself"

"Yeah okay, love you" Clint replies sadly knowing his husband still desperately needed cheering up but didn't know how to when he couldn't see him, it sucked.

"Love you to" Phil hung up and put his head in his hands. He hated how he hardly ever saw his husband anymore. When they were in New York they went on the same missions together even though they were married because Fury knew Clint worked best with him, he wasn't used to going weeks without seeing him, life sucked sometimes. After he let himself wallow in self-pity for a few more minutes Phil pulled himself together and climbed into bed, after stripping down into his boxers and t-shirt. Promptly falling asleep dreaming of a familiar, sandy haired archer, which left him sleeping with a smile on his face.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six:

The avengers were having one of their weekly movie nights that Tony insisted upon, saying that if they were all living under the same roof then they might as well have some bonding time. However all Clint could think about during these times was how he should be curled up in his husband's arms right about now, enjoying the film in his company. Instead he had Tasha's feet on his lap which he had yet to remove as he couldn't deny his friend/practically sister anything. At that moment he felt his private phone vibrate and shifted Tasha's feet so he could remove his phone from his pocket. Looking at the caller ID he immediately removed Tasha's feet and stood up to leave the room. He tried to keep his face neutral but he knows he failed, he just hoped his friends were too involved in the film to notice.

…..

"Who got the Hawk so happy?" Tony asked the group not missing anything.

"I don't know, I'm just glad to see him truly smiling for a change" Steve replied looking at the door that Clint had just left through.

"Leave him alone Stark" Natasha told Tony sternly.

"I thought you would be the first person to want to know who he's on the phone to, I thought you guys told each other everything" Tony replied.

"Not everything" Tasha muttered with a slight frown on her face as she didn't like the fact Clint was obviously keeping something from her.

"Jarvis, bring up the feed from wherever Clint's gone to, I wanna know who Clint's been keeping from us" Tony asked his AI with smirk. This cause a frown to form on all the other Avengers faces, obviously not happy with the blatant disregard of privacy.

"Stark don't even think about, Clint obviously wanted some privacy and as much as I don't like him keeping something from me I'm sure he'll tell us when he's ready" Tasha told Stark angrily.

"Aww come on I know you wanna know as much as I do, I thought you'd wanna know who they are to make sure there good enough for our Hawk" Tony replied sweetly knowing Tash's weakness.

"Fine but only because I know Clint's been reckless lately, good knows who's picked up" Tasha muttered still not completely liking invading her brother's privacy. Tony turned the feed on just in time to her Clint reply to the phone.

"_Scorch? Seriously that's the best name they could come with?" Clint chuckled._

"_Jeeze they were able to amplify his powers like that?" There was a pause as Clint listened to the person on the other end. Clint hummed in response a few times and then his face turned solemn. _

"_I know love but you said she wasn't the one that leaked the info though right?" Clint asked the person on the phone in a softer voice then any of them had ever heard from Clint, while he perched on the end of his bed._

"_That's good"_

"_She what?" Clint exclaimed looking shocked._

"Who the hell is he talking to; I thought you said this was his personal phone?" Tony asked looking at Natasha.

"It is but it sounds like he's talking to someone from Shield, someone close to him if his words are anything to go by" Tasha replied with a frown, her eyes never leaving the screen.

"_Love you do enjoy picking up the strays don't you" Clint chuckled down the phone whilst moving to lie down on the bed properly._

"_Completely redacted you say? But that means her parents were probably in Shield right?" Clint asked the person on the phone looking a little concerned._

"_Are you sure that's wise? Whatever you find she probably won't like if Shield has gone to those efforts to hide it"_

"_You sure know how to pick 'em don't you love" Clint chuckled again "Look you gave her the bracelet to limit her access, you've got May and Ward looking out for her as well, I'm sure you'll be fine, you haven't picked up a bad stray yet, although you did marry me" Clint laughed._

"сукин сын" Tasha muttered to the screen.

"Natasha?" Steve asked concerned not knowing what she just said.

"I think I know who Clint is talking to, but it's impossible"

"Who do you think he's talking to?"

"Someone who should be dead" Natasha replied while glaring at the screen.

"_I know love I miss you to" Clint told the person down the phone while putting a hand over his face and rubbing his eyes._

"_You've gotta have some down time coming up right?"_

"_Good well we'll see each other soon then"_

"_You can come tell the rest of them as well then"_

"_I know it's gonna hard but you gotta do this love, you'll regret if you don't, plus I can't keep this from them any longer especially Tasha" Clint told them softly._

"Was Clint in a relationship before the battle?" Banner spoke up for the first time since Clint left the room.

"Yes" Tasha replied bluntly, still staring at the screen.

"What happened to them?" Steve asked softly.

"They died….supposedly"

"Who were they?"

"_So I'll see you soon yeah?" Clint smiled _

"_I know me to"_

"_Love you too" Clint hung up the phone and sighed, then scrubbed his face with his hands and then let them flop over his face. After a few moments he climbed off the bed and headed out the room._

Seeing Clint leave the room the rest of the group quickly went back to how they were before Clint left and Tony barked at his AI to put the movie back on, just in time for Clint to re-enter the room.

"Weren't you on this bit when I left?" Clint asked the team looking round suspiciously.

"We thought we'd wait for you" Tony replied trying to look innocent.

"But you had it going before I came in the room"

"Well we got fed up of waiting and carried on playing, you only missed about 10 seconds of it so hurry up and sit down so you don't miss anymore" Tony replied trying to stop Clint from getting any more suspicious.

"Guys what going on, you're acting all weird?" Clint asked looking round at the group noticing how Tasha was glaring at the TV whilst completely refusing to look at him, Banner and Steve looked extremely uncomfortable, Tony was the only one who looked semi- normal.

"Nothing's wrong, just watch the film Legolas"

"No something happened" Clint told them not giving up.

"Who were you talking to out there?" Tasha blurted out glaring at Clint

"Just a friend" Clint swallowed squirming in his seat, he hated it when Tasha gave him those eyes, he could never lie when she gave him those eyes.

"Who?"

"Just a friend"

"Sounded like much more than a friend to me" Tony said butting in on the conversation.

"You were listening in on my conversation?!" Clint exclaimed turning round to look at Tony angrily.

"Well done Stark" Tasha muttered

"I thought you told me you my room had no cameras"

"Well there only there for safety reasons, I only use them for emergencies and for your safety" tony defended.

"And how was what you did count as looking out for my safety or an emergency?" Clint asked.

"We just needed to know you were safe, you've been acting weird lately so we wanted to know who you were on the phone to, to see if they were the reason for you acting differently" Steve told Clint trying to stop the argument from escalating.

"And you couldn't have just have asked me?" Clint asked Steve, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Would you have told us?" Natasha asked Clint

"No" Clint mumbled looking down at his lap.

"Can you tell us now?" Banner asked.

"No… but I can tell you soon trust me…. It'll be easier done face to face" Clint said quickly before anymore arguments started.

"Clint is it Phil?" Tasha asked him suddenly, all Clint could do in response was gulp.

**Notes: **сукин сын- Son of a bitch


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven:

"Clint is it Phil?" Tasha asked him suddenly, all Clint could do in response was gulp. What was he supposed to say, he couldn't lie to her but the truth would hurt her has well. He had lied to her for a couple of weeks; she was never going to forgive for that. She was Clint's sister and he had hurt her-he was going to have to grovel later.

"Clint is it Phil?" Tasha reiterates still staring at Clint angrily causing a shiver to shoot down his spine, he could get used to those stares.

_I'm sorry. _Clint signs, he always was more comfortable signing than speaking. Clint always reverted back to ASL when he was nervous or didn't want to talk, luckily for him Tasha and Phil had been willingly to learn it as well. Tasha understanding what he had just said took in a sharp breath and slapped him on the cheek.

_How could you, why didn't you tell me? _She signs back angrily, her face now completely covered in pain causing him to look at the floor in shame. Clint hated that he hadn't told her as soon as he had found out but he also completely understood that Phil had wanted to tell her in person. Clint felt like he was caught in the middle, he understood why Phil was waiting but he also hated keeping secrets. Enough secrets were kept at work, he didn't want secrets creeping in to his family life as well.

_I've only known for a couple of weeks and Phil wanted to tell you in person. _He told her looking up to her again to help covey the honesty in what he was saying. Clint needed Tasha to understand that he hadn't meant to keep it from her they had just been waiting for the right moment. It wasn't just something you could casually drop into conversation anyway, 'oh hey by the way my husband I thought dead is actually alive, thought you might like to know', yeah that would go down so well.

"Umm guys what's with all the sign language? Why do you guys even know sign language?" Tony asked looking annoyed that he wasn't able to join in their conversation.

"You mean we've actually found something that Tony Stark doesn't know" Clint quirked, he loved winding Tony up, he wasn't able to do it much but when he did it was so much fun.

"Shut up Legolas, it's not like I've needed to learn it anyway I don't exactly spend much time around the deaf" Tony shot back looking slightly offended.

"You spend more time with them than you think" Clint told Tony and then turned back to Tasha who was sat huddled in the corner of the sofa making herself as small as possible. He had never seen Tash looking more vulnerable than she did now. Looking at her now Clint wishes he had pushed Phil more to tell Tasha sooner.

"Tasha I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner but I haven't known long myself and he's got a team that that's flies all over the place. I've only seen him a couple of times myself" Clint told her desperate for her to understand. Tasha looked over at Clint and Clint swears he saw tears in her eyes but he wasn't going to call her out on it, he honoured his life after all.

"How could he lie to me like that? We fucking mourned him and he was alive all this time? How could you just forgive him like that, did you forget how broken you were after you found out?" She snapped back glaring at Clint.

"He forgot alright, he didn't remember" Clint shot back

"He didn't remember what kind of excuse is that?"

"However they brought him back, messed with his head…. He thought he was still with Audrey until May showed him the dog tag. You should have seen him Tasha he looked so lost and ashamed when he told me. There's no way he would have lied about it" Clint said honestly whilst playing with his dog tag that was round his neck and watching Tasha who was now sat there in a stunned silence.

"Guys who's Phil? What the hell is going on?" Tony demanded staring at the two of them waiting for one of them to reply.

"My husband" Clint said simply. The cat was going to be out of the bag sooner or later, especially when they finally clicked which Phil he was on about. He was surprised no one had cottoned on already actually.

"You're married, why didn't I know this…. Jarvis you're supposed to tell me these things" Tony shouted at his AI as if it was his AI's fault that he didn't know.

"Sorry sir but you have never asked if Agent Barton was married so I didn't think you needed to know" Jarvis told Tony matter of factly.

"Yeah well next time tell me" Tony mumbled in response.

"Of course sir"

Everyone sat around in silence for a few minutes still trying to process the information that they had been given. Clint was shuffling around on the sofa not liking the fact that all the silence was to do with him. He hated being the centre of attention he preferred to observe from afar, one of the reasons why he was so good at being a sniper.

"So you're married to a man" Steve asked quietly looking over at Clint nervously as if he was afraid of the answer.

"Yeah what of it?" Clint shot back not sure of why Steve was asking. He knew a lot of people in this day and age still didn't agree with it, but he was hoping none of his were like that. Although Steve was still technically from the 40's so he might have trouble coming to terms with it, Clint hoped not.

"Nothing, I just…. You can do that now?" Steve asked back, looking almost regretful about something but Clint didn't know what and didn't feel like he had the right to ask.

"Yeah, not in every state but there's a few, it all started a couple of years ago. Not everywhere is as accepting but it's getting better" Clint told him with a smile on his face.

"Oh ok that- that's good" Steve replied a slight smile on his face that dint quite reach his eyes, he didn't look angry or disgusted so Clint let it slide for the moment. He then looked back over to Tasha who had been to quite for his liking and saw that she was staring at the wall in front of her. Clint shuffled along the sofa till he was sat next to her and placed a hand on her knee. She looked over at him still looking slightly angry but better than before.

"He was going to tell you the next time he touched down in New York; he wanted to tell you for a while now but didn't know how. I think he was still trying to process the fact that all the memories that he'd had since he came back weren't true, must have been pretty disorientating for him" Clint told Tasha soothingly, she has trust issues the same as Clint and something like this doesn't exactly help.

"I know I get that" Tasha replied quietly.

"Do you want to speak to him, I don't know if he's available right now but next time he calls I can get him to speak to you?" Clint asked even though he wasn't sure it was the best idea.

"I'm not sure, I need time to think" Tasha told him and then stood up and left the room. Clint sighed and flopped back in the sofa and closed his eyes. This wasn't how it was supposed to go, he knew it wasn't going to be all hugs and happy families but it wasn't supposed to be like this. Clint knew people were going to be hurt but it was supposed to be on their terms, not them finding out themselves and make it look like they had been keeping it a secret from them. Clint just seriously hoped some of Tasha's anger died down before she met Phil, he didn't want his husband to injured after all. Now he just had to hope the rest of the team didn't put two and two together and work out quite who Phil was otherwise Clint was going to seriously worry about Phil and his team. Tony for one definitely wouldn't wait for Phil to arrive in New York before he went looking for Phil.

Clint sighed and hoped luck would be on his side for once.

**Notes: **This one was just a little interlude between episodes, I decided this part needed a chapter all to its self. Any hope you enjoyed and let me know what you think.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes:** Just as a warning this includes spoilers for the end seen of episode 6 FZZT, which I sadly do not own anything of. It doesn't give away much if you haven't already watched it but I'm warning you anyway. Now that's over with I hope you enjoy the chapter and let me know what you think!

"This piece of paper is telling me I'm fine but I don't feel fine, I feel different" Phil told Mel, he couldn't understand it, how could he be fine when he found so many things about him different there had to be something wrong with him. That was the only explanation for it.

"Take off your shirt" Mel told him bluntly, staring at him showing no emotion. Phil looked at her confused, why the hell did she want him to take off his shirt?

"Excuse me?" Phil asked hoping he had heard her wrong. She did remember he was married, to a man right?

"Your shirt… unbutton it" Mel told him still not giving away any emotion. Mel walked up to him and started unbuttoning his shirt, Phil allowed her to realising she just wanted to look at his scar. Why she wanted to he didn't know, it was ugly, he could barely look at it himself, it reminded him to much about what this scar had allowed him to forget. He hated that scar.

"Whether it was 8 seconds or 40, you died, there was no way you could go through a trauma like that and not come out of it changed. You know how long it's taken me to-"

"I know" Phil cut her off knowing what she was talking about and cursed himself for allowing himself to let her bring it up.

"The point of these things is to remind us that there is no going back, there's only moving forward. You feel different, cause you are different" Mel told him softly in a way that Phil couldn't help but agree, going through all that he has, has allowed him to look at the world differently. He can't help but take gratitude in all the little things now knowing how easily it can slip away in a moments notice.

"You spoke to Clint about all of this?" Mel asked him giving him a look that said she already knew the answer and only asked to make him feel guiltier.

"No" Phil replied slowly, looking at the ground in shame.

"You should"

"I can't….he's only just got used to me being back, I can't unload all this on him to" Phil explained to her feebly, he didn't know how to explain this to his husband. Clint had enough on his plate with the Avengers and SHIELD, Clint would only worry if Phil told him about this, he couldn't do that his husband.

"You should, he'll understand he's your husband for Christ sakes Phil, talk to him or I will, we're near New York I'll drop you off" Mel told him sternly and then exits the room. Phil flops into his chair and loosens his tie. He knows he needs to talk to Clint sooner rather than later but he was just worried how Clint would take the news. There was only so many things Phil could drop on him before Clint would say he couldn't handle it anymore, and he would him that he couldn't handle it anymore.

Picking up the phone Phil took a deep breath and phoned Clint.

* * *

"Why didn't you tell me sooner" Clint asked while they were curled up on the sofa in their apartment. Clint had agreed to meet up at their place where Phil had finally unloaded all his worries to his husband, who was now looking at him with a sad frown on his face.

"I didn't want you to worry, I didn't even know how to explain it, I just felt different, like something was wrong" Phil explained weakly looking down at his joined hands with Clint, he knew it wasn't a good enough reason but it was the only one he had.

"Phil look at me love" Clint told him and he slowly lifted his head to see Clint staring at him with tears in his eyes making Phil heart sink, Clint was upset with him, he didn't mean to do that, he never wanted to do that.

"You died for fuck sakes and they somehow screwed with your memories, of course your gonna feel different, your still getting used to the memories that are truly yours. I would be worried if you told me you felt absolutely fine" Clint told him bluntly and Phil couldn't help but chuckle slightly. Clint always did have his own way of saying things. Phil wiped away a tear from Clint's eye that was threatening to fall and kissed him firmly on the lips.

"I know I'm sorry that I didn't tell I was just trying to sort it out in my own head without having to unload it all on you, I didn't want you to worry" Phil told him while resting a hand on his cheek.

"I'm you're husband it's my job to worry" Clint told him seriously with a slight smile on his cheeks and Phil smiled back glad that his husband wasn't too angry with him.

"And I love you for it" Phil told him kissing him firmly on the lips again which Clint readily returned this time both reassuring each other that they were okay. They eventually pulled apart both panting, except Clint had this kind of smile on his face that caused Phil to worry slightly.

"And I love you, which is why you're going to accompany me to Avengers tower tomorrow as Mel has so kindly told me your free till the day after tomorrow. We can also get Stark to look you over, make sure Fury isn't hiding anything else from us" Clint told him with a smirk and on his face and Phil's stomach filled with dread. This meant tomorrow Phil was going to have to feel the wrath of all the avengers tomorrow, he was officially mincemeat.

"Love if you really don't want to go then you don't but if you put it off to long then you might never do it and I don't think you would ever forgive yourself. Although you at least need to see Tasha, I only just about convinced here to let me come here by myself so that you weren't bombarded right away" Clint added turning serious, obviously seeing the dread on Phil's face.

"No I need to do this, it's unfair to keep it from them any longer, I should have told you all as soon as I came out of hospital, even if I didn't remember what you were to me. Fury shouldn't have been able to keep my life a secret" Phil told Clint taking a deep breath, he needed to do this, Clint was right he wouldn't be able to forgive himself it he didn't.

"You'll be fine Phil, I won't let any of them harm you… too much. 'Sides I wanna see Stark's face when he realises you're the Phil I'm married to" Clint smirked evilly and Phil couldn't help but agree that Stark's face would be a picture. He wondered whether Jarvis was able to print photos.

"Now why don't you let me distract you from your worries for the night eh?" Clint asked huskily, leaning over to unbutton his shirt and nibble on his ear. All Phil could do was moan in agreement and let all his worries about tomorrow disappear with Clint's nimble fingers across his chest.


End file.
